Friday, September 10, 2010

Freak out!

I stay home with a sick baby who wasn't sick today.

Long story short, my daughter has a virus. Another little boy her in room at daycare has a different virus. But because she has a virus, my daughter couldn't stay at school without permission from our doctor. I took her home and had to wait for five hours before the doctor's office faxed the OK to daycare. I missed several things I had scheduled to do at work and was freaking out. I had three things to finish by noon, and I couldn't take care of M and finish them. I tried to watch her and work at the same time, but it just ended with M crying. I tried my best but eventually gave up and drove to Target to walk around for a while with M. I called the doctor's office several times to no avail. 

I ended up in the parking lot of my husband's office. I texted him and asked him to come outside because I was freaking out. He came outside, sat in the passenger seat and let me cry. I cried and cried. What was wrong with me? Why can other moms do everything and I can't?

They can't, he said. Nobody can do everything. And anybody would be stressed out trying to work while watching a baby.


Yes, really.

My husband always offers gentle reminders to be easier on myself. I worry a lot that he will get exhausted of all my drama and just leave. Surely there are wives out there who are much easier to live with. But he always dismisses the notion.

There's another mom with postpartum depression whose blog I follow. She wrote this today:

I felt like I had my best friend in the whole world with me and we were on this journey together. I was a bit nervous that Phill would bail on me and not be able to tread the unchartered waters with me. When I brought that up he gave me a goofy look. He said, "Jodie I'm not going to leave you, you don't ever have to worry about that."
It's easy to feel bonkers, and it's easy to feel like your husband got a raw deal. But the longer L and I are married, the more I realize that he is in it for the long haul. He hugs me every day whether I'm normal or crying enough tears to create a small duck pond in from of his office.

We decided he would take a really long lunch, even though he doesn't get paid for hours he misses at work, so that I could catch up and take a break. I was so grateful. I thanked him for helping me when I was freaking out. He said "you're welcome" by singing this song to me:

That's why I married him.

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