Then I realized I'm not sure what I want the most for myself. I want to be better. I know that for sure. Whenever I cry or feel sad or lose it, I sob to my husband, "I just want to be better! I don't want to be like this any more."
But I don't really know what "better" means. It's a pretty nebulous term, so I'm trying to be more specific.
- Mental health: take my medicine, go to therapy, exercise, do meaningful work, volunteer, write.
- Physical health: keep a clean house, exercise, cook, play sports again.
- Accomplish a big goal: TBD.
I think I just need to keep shaping the picture of what "better" means to me. Maybe the more I try to figure it out, the clearer the picture will become.