Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The most or the moment?

I've been thinking about something I heard someone say the other day. Sometimes we have to give up what we want in the moment to get what we want the most. I know what I want the most for my family: for them to be healthy, happy and stable.

Then I realized I'm not sure what I want the most for myself. I want to be better. I know that for sure. Whenever I cry or feel sad or lose it, I sob to my husband, "I just want to be better! I don't want to be like this any more."

But I don't really know what "better" means. It's a pretty nebulous term, so I'm trying to be more specific.
  • Mental health: take my medicine, go to therapy, exercise, do meaningful work, volunteer, write.
  • Physical health: keep a clean house, exercise, cook, play sports again.
  • Accomplish a big goal: TBD.
I haven't chosen a goal to accomplish yet. I had originally wanted to run a half marathon, but my knee surgery recovery has been slow and frustrating. Maybe I can keep that goal and just give myself some more slack when it comes to the time to achieve it? I'm not that great of a runner, and I'm absolutely not in good shape.  I think I would feel so good about myself if I could do this, but I'm worried about spending time away from my daughter.

I think I just need to keep shaping the picture of what "better" means to me. Maybe the more I try to figure it out, the clearer the picture will become.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Carrie, I "found" you on the wrong blog the other day. Just now followed your instructions to this one. At the moment I omly have time to comment about one wrote in an earlier post about wanting more children and wondering if you would suffer from PPD each time. I am no expert, but will share my experience: when I was pregnant with my second child my husband accompanied me to the first doctor appointment. He told the doctor that he did not want me leaving the hospital after the birth without anti-depressants. People can say what they want about drugs; my husband did not want to live through PPD again, nor did I. So I began anti-depressants right after my sons birth. I only took them for 6 months, then weaned off. That was all it took. My second was a WAY more difficult baby than my first, but I got through it pretty well.