Postpartum depression is often blamed on dramatic hormonal changes inside the bodies of new mothers. Estrogen, progesterone and cortisol all drop dramatically in the hours after childbirth, and some women are thought to be particularly sensitive to this.
But a new study suggests an alternate explanation. The brains of women suffering from postpartum depression reacted differently to images of faces that were scared or angry than did the brains of healthy moms.
I can't stop thinking about this story. I feel like postpartum depression something to work through, overcome, survive. But this new research makes me feel hopeless. There is something wrong with my brain. My heart breaks knowing that other moms see their children differently. They look at their crying babies and feel something different than I do. So I can't get this off my mind for two main reasons: 1. Does this mean that M and I don't have a normal relationship? Would a different mom be more able to respond to her needs, especially when she's feeling scared or upset? Is this why she doesn't cry very often?
2. Does this mean I'll go through postpartum depression with every child we have? L and I want to have another child and maybe two. Does this mean postpartum depression can't be defeated? Will I go through this ever time.
I feel defeated right now, like I destined to face this over and over because something in wrong with my brain. And this defect is a wall between M and me.
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