Sunday, September 5, 2010

A house that isn't mine

Our family is spending this weekend visiting family, and today I had a bit of a setback. My cousin is having a new house built, and nealy all of it is being paid for by her fiance's trust fund. It's huge and absolutely beautiful. I was fine on the little family tour until she opened her utility room door. She hugged her tall, sleek washer and dryer. There was a sink and countertop. Her utility room was the size of our kitchen - same number of cabinets, same number of draws, same count space.

My husband and I work so hard, and we barely scrape by. We come up short every month. They live off a trust fund. I cried when we left because I felt like a bad mom. I can't give M that. She'll have to grow up in our two-bedroom house with a air conditioner that breaks down in the summer.

Intellectually I know my cousin's beautiful home isn't related to my ability to be a mother. But I still feel like it's another reason I'm inadequate, another reason she'd be better off with someone else. I'm trying to let my head help my heart figure this out.

No comments:

Post a Comment