Thursday, September 23, 2010

To choose her again

This is a blog I follow by a gal I know just casually, and something she wrote made me cry. She and her husband lost one of their sweet boys in May. Her blog that I read today was about the rollercoaster of grief their family has been riding since then. They've had moments of recovery and moments of terrible sadness. She wrote this earlier this week:

Most of all, I am grateful for Isaiah. Grateful for his short life. I know that if given the choice between not knowing him and not knowing grief or knowing him and experiencing a grief like you have never known before...I would pick him. Over and over I would pick him.
It made me think of M. I am so, so grateful she is here. She is healthy. She is happy. I dropped off into the darkest place of my life after she was born. I thought of suicide often. I felt so hopeless and so horrible every day, every moment. But when I see M, I know that the love I feel for her is worth any hell I had to go through. Every minute I spend with her is better than any minute before she came into our lives.

I love the way Lee Anne put it: "Over and over I would pick him." That's how I feel, too. Over and over, I would pick M.

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