Then I realized I'm not sure what I want the most for myself. I want to be better. I know that for sure. Whenever I cry or feel sad or lose it, I sob to my husband, "I just want to be better! I don't want to be like this any more."
But I don't really know what "better" means. It's a pretty nebulous term, so I'm trying to be more specific.
- Mental health: take my medicine, go to therapy, exercise, do meaningful work, volunteer, write.
- Physical health: keep a clean house, exercise, cook, play sports again.
- Accomplish a big goal: TBD.
I think I just need to keep shaping the picture of what "better" means to me. Maybe the more I try to figure it out, the clearer the picture will become.
Hi Carrie, I "found" you on the wrong blog the other day. Just now followed your instructions to this one. At the moment I omly have time to comment about one thing...you wrote in an earlier post about wanting more children and wondering if you would suffer from PPD each time. I am no expert, but will share my experience: when I was pregnant with my second child my husband accompanied me to the first doctor appointment. He told the doctor that he did not want me leaving the hospital after the birth without anti-depressants. People can say what they want about drugs; my husband did not want to live through PPD again, nor did I. So I began anti-depressants right after my sons birth. I only took them for 6 months, then weaned off. That was all it took. My second was a WAY more difficult baby than my first, but I got through it pretty well.
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